I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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