I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
