put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
