I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
