he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
