Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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