just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
