I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
