Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
