He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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