i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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