ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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