"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
