i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
