I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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