Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
