i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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