I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
