awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
