The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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