how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
