So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
