ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
