Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
