honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
