He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
