god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
