He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
