Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
