There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
