Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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