somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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