Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
