doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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