The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
