Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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