I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
