Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
