oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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