So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
