In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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