Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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