Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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