Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
