No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
