It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
