I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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