I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
