the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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