Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
