Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
