from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
