after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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